November 2009
The Joy of Compliments…
I just recently participated in my 45th High School Class Reunion. Since I have worked with the Reunion Planning Committee for many years now I have experienced firsthand the hard work that goes into planning a reunion and the anxiety that comes to the planners at the end of the process. There are so many details and so many things that can and do go wrong and some people are so critical that it’s enough to wear you out. I’m breathing a huge sigh of relief today. The reunion went perfectly. I’m tough on myself and even with being tough everything we planned was carried off to perfection and was so well received that I felt great about it all. Plus, I had a good time – that was a bonus.
One of our classmates came and thanked me privately, saying “I felt more alive than I have in a long time, and I want to thank everyone on the committee for all their hard work”. Several others expressed gratitude as well. Of course, I heard a little (precious little) behind the scenes criticism and complaining as well. That goes with the territory. People have huge expectations today. We all want the best – at low cost, of course. We all expect to be served. Few step forward to serve. We are living in a “consumer” mentality and we have come to expect everything delivered to our doorstep and our way (never mind that others have vastly different and often conflicting ways to our way) and on our terms.
Life is so much better when we compliment instead of criticize; add instead of take away, give instead take and put more back in than we take out. It’s always interesting to me that more often than not the most criticism comes from those who don’t know as much as they think they do or who have expectations that just can’t be met or the perfectionists who just can’t be satisfied. Thankfully, this time around, after forty five years most of the Class of 1964 have moved beyond trying to impress everyone with how “successful” they’ve become, or how important they are or how everything should be their way and by and large we all just settled back and enjoyed a great weekend of memory, reflection and new acquaintances. I had a great time but even more importantly I want to do better at remembering to be more complimentary and less critical of others and to remember the good comments I hear while forgetting the bad ones – instead of the way around.
I think it would be a better world if all of us (beginning with me) could just compliment the heck out of each other, affirm what we like and let go of what we don’t like and even if it didn’t change the world, it would change how we see the world. I think it would also be a better world if we just remembered the good words and forgot the bad ones. In the end, it is up to us isn’t it?
“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul,
and health to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24